Friday, February 18, 2011

Magic Clubs

Ahh the magic club... that one time of month that we get to kick back with a bunch of like-minded individuals and spend the night making smug attempts to fool each other.

Let's not kid ourselves here. That really is what magic clubs are... it's where a bunch of magical entertainers congregate and each magician sets out to prove to all of the other club members why he is better than them. Apparently, fooling a room of magicians with boring, procedural magic designed to fool magicians is what seperates the men from the boys. Here's how a standard night at your typical magic club will occur:

7:30 to 8:00- Magicians meet in the church recreational center or house basement they do every month and begin idle chatter about how much they're gonna "fool the boys tonight".

8:00 to 8:15- The club president, a stocky man in a tucked-in polo shirt, gathers everyone and asks them to seat themselves. A bunch of announcements and bits of news are made, which nobody is listening to as they all sit and focus on remembering the convulted counting and dealing procedure of the routine they will leap up and perform later on.

8:15 to 8:30- News wraps up. All of the members in the room attempt to hide their excitement by smugly raising their hands (fast but not too fast) when the president asks who among them would like to perform their miracle first.

8:30 to 8:35- Steve Johnson performs his version of the 21 Card trick using a full deck memorized stack, a deck switch, a shiner, a double backer, a double facer, and a PK ring. The magicians in the room applaud, attempting to look unimpressed when in reality they are baffled by the pointless and ridiculous method.

8:35 to 9:00- Al Brennan takes the stage and performs an overlong and uninteresting set consisting of The Vanishing Bandana, Strat-o-sphere, and The Egg Bag, all the while actually thinking he's being totally entertaining. The members all check their watches in anticipation of break time, but find all of them have been stolen by Steve Johnson who had subtly hooked a pull through everyone's watches during his competition-level card routine from before.

9:00 to 9:30- Break time. Cheap coffee brewed in the church kitchen by one of the magician's wives is served with the Krispy Kremes left over from last month's meeting. While the members indulge in their tasty diaretic treats, they huddle in small groups and discuss methods for Steve Johnson's twist on the old card classic. They finally reach a mutual method solution and decide they are correct. This is all to help them sleep at night.

9:30 to 10:00- The members guzzle the rest of their now-lukewarm coffee as they are called back to their seats. One of the members talks on magic theory that all of the other members gush over except for that one seasoned professional the club has, who stands in the corner behind all of the seats of amateur hobbyists and relishes in his knowledge and excellence (without verbalizing it of course, that would be arrogant). Steve Johnson smacks himself repeatedly in the forehead, now realizing he could have just fooled these people with Six Card Repeat or something.

10:00pm to 10:15pm- Members congratulate themselves on another successful meeting and files out into the church parking lot, climbing into their cars with the MAGIC4U and MAG1C1AN license plates and puttering off to their bungalows to begin working on their show-stopper for next month's meeting.

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